I nearly spluttered my almond-flavoured coffee over the keyboard this morning when I read the latest news from Wales on the BBC News website. There is talk of a grey squirrel cull on the Gower early next year, followed by a plan to re-introduce those pesky but apparently oh-so-cute red squirrels in our place some years later. The ‘conservation’ group behind these plans is heartened by the success of a similar scheme in Ynys Mon (aka the isle of Anglesey in North Wales).
Well, let me tell you this, people of Gower, my troops will be armed and ready and waiting for you if you want to try such a hare-brained scheme. Be afraid, be very afraid!
Oh, and it gets better. Some human beaker bods are working on ways to control grey squirrel fertility – yeah, well, good luck with that one! I am incredibly fertile and I ain’t going to be eating no food (or bait as they stupidly call it) laced with some dodgy immuno-contraceptive. There’s a reason why me and my crew moved up to chocolate-coated peanuts and shop bought nuts generally. It’s not only much more convenient, it’s also a damn sight safer to eat!